The Great Weird Al Word Count

These are my confessions
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid
So I'll give you part three of my confessions
These are my confessions
I need to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
That belongs in part three of my confessions
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days
These are my confessions
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Woops, my bad . . . (hope you're not sore at me)
When I finish part three of my confessions
But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday?
These are my confessions
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat
Till I give you part four of my confessions

I'm zoned out on the sofa when my wife comes in the room and sees me
But my cell phone started to ring
Well, I checked my caller ID
My wife said, "Let it go to voice mail"
Put my key in the ignition
My wife says, "Maybe we should park . . .
Then my wife says, "Baby . . .
"Hold on, I've changed my mind . . .
I put my head in my hands and scream . . .
"So read me back my order, let's make sure you got it right"
And my wife is all like, "No, that ain't Paul! Now tell me, who's this Paul?"
I said, "I know a guy named Paul, he used to be my plumber . . .
Click - turned it off because my wife was getting a headache
Put my hand in my pocket
I turn around to my wife and say, "How much have you got on you?"
And that's when I found out my wife was only carryin' three bucks
And checked the mat beneath my feet
And now my woman's got this weird look frozen on her face
So I pick up my change
Pick up my receipt
Wearin' a dorky name tag that says "Hello, my name is Eugene"
And I say to him, "Hey Eugene, could I get some ketchup for my fries?"

I love, I really love my pancreas
My spleen just doesn't matter
Don't really care about my bladder
But I don't leave home without my pancreas
My pancreas is always there for me
My pancreas
My pancreas
My pancreas
My pancreas
My pancreas
My pancreas
My pancreas attracts every other pancreas in the universe
They gonna help with-a my digestion
They gonna help with-a my digestion
Can't you see I love my pancreas
Golly gee, I love my pancreas
Can't you see I love my pancreas
Golly gee, I love my pancreas
Can't you see I love my pancreas
Golly gee, I love my pancreas
Can't you see I love my pancreas

They see me mowin' . . . my front lawn
First in my class there at MIT
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite MC
My rims never spin -- to the contrary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my Top Eight spaces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
Once you see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast, I'll set the place ablaze
"Happy Days" is my favorite theme song
They see me roll on . . . my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm white and nerdy
The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
Even made a home page for my dog
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Got my name on my underwear (underwear)

I sued Panasonic . . . they never said I shouldn't use their microwave to dry off my cat
I sued Starbucks . . . 'cause I spilled a frappucino in my lap, and brr, it was cold
I sued Coca-Cola, yo . . . 'cause I put my finger down in a bottle and it got stuck
If you deliver my pizza thirty seconds late
I sued Duracell . . . they never told me not to shove that double A right up my nose
I sued Home Depot . . . 'cause they sold me a hammer, which they knew I might drop on my toes
I sued Dell Computers . . . 'cause I took a bath with my laptop -- now it doesn't work
I sued Fruit Of The Loom . . . 'cause when I wear their tighty-whities on my head, I look like a jerk
I sued Verizon . . . 'cause I get all depressed any time my cell phone is roaming
If I sprain my ankle while I'm robbing your place
If I hurt my knuckles when I punch you in the face

Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
I'd found my soul mate finally
My heart was beatin' like a Buddy Rich solo
She moved right up to number one on my list

My precious one
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg

She take my money (She take my money)

I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed