The Great Weird Al Word Count

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
Better not go taking your chances
Translate your documents into Swahili
Make your TV record "Gigli"
Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling
(Look out!) It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
(Look out!) Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
(Look out!) Erase your hard drive and your back-ups too
Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls
It'll make your keyboard all sticky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
Then it will tie up your phone making crank long distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour
Legally change your name to Reggie
(Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
(Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
(Look out!) Steal your identity and your credit cards
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
So before it e-mails your grandmother all of your porn . . .
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody

I borrowed your ChapStick from you . . . without asking
Oh, and I tried out your nose-hair trimmer too
And by the way, your "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one
Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There've been times when I peed in your sink
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic
Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat

I like to feel the warm spot on your chair
Every time I shake your hand, now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Gonna carve your name in my leg
Can I sniff the pit stains on your blouse?
(Your restraining order's out)
Followed you from work back to your house

I says "No," she says "Yes . . . oh, here's your keys"
Now a woman on a speaker box is sayin', "Can I take your order, please?"
"Your voice sounds so familiar . . . hey, is this Paul?"
And I said, "Um . . . I think you have somethin' in your teeth"
She says, "I never got around to it . . . so where's your wallet anyway?"
I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses, lady, we won't be long"

If I sprain my ankle while I'm robbing your place
I'll sue ya, I'll take all your money
I'll sue ya, I'll take all your money
I'll sue ya, I'll take all your money
I'll sue ya, I'll take all your money

Put your Viking helmet on
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away
Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day

Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was fun like me

Keep your forty, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong

But deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad
And selling crack and running over school kids with your car