The Weird Al Body Count

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The Great Weird Al Word Count

Are Al's songs getting more violent as time passes? One way to tell might be to simply count the number of people (and animals) killed in his lyrics. Let's take a look and decide. (Or, if you're the impatient type, you can skip to the conclusion.)

If the entity or entities killed are not people, it's noted with the death toll. Death tolls for places are based on the year of the album's release. In graphical browsers, each entry is color coded based on the number dying as follows:

• Unknown
• One to eleven
• Dozens
• Scores
• Hundreds
• Thousands
• Millions
• Billions

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung"	Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be Mr. Frump's dying day.	1

In 3-D

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Nature Trail to Hell"	There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop, And he hacks up two or three in every scene.	A dozen or more

Dare to Be Stupid

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Like a Surgeon"	Yeah, my patients die Before they can pay.	Unknown
"Like a Surgeon"	Yeah, I can hear your heart beat For the very last time.	Metaphorical
"Slime Creatures from Outer Space"	First they leveled Tokyo,	c. 11 million
"Slime Creatures from Outer Space"	Then New York was next to go.	c. 15 million
"Slime Creatures from Outer Space"	They wasted everybody on my block.	A dozen to hundreds

Polka Party

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"One of Those Days"	A 747 crashed into my den	Scores
"One of Those Days"	Big steamroller just ran over my mom	1
"One of Those Days"	Then late at night, just before I go to bed The world blows up and now everybody's dead	c. 5 billion
"Christmas at Ground Zero"	Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin' It's the end of all humanity	Billions

Even Worse

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Melanie"	I couldn't stand it, so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window right above you Now I may be dead but I still love you	1
"Good Old Days"	Oh I'll never forget the day I smashed in his head	1
"Good Old Days"	Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair and I left her in the desert all alone Oh sometimes in my dreams I can still hear the screams Oh I wonder if she ever made it home . . . .	Possibly 1

UHF

None! In the lyrics, at least. "Gandhi II" has plenty of violence.

Off the Deep End

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Trigger Happy"	Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet I filled that kitty cat so full of lead We'll have to use him for a pencil instead	1 cat

Alapalooza

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Jurassic Park"	A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer Well, I suppose that proves . . . they're really not all bad	1 lawyer (not Al's story)
"Bohemian Polka"	Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger now he's dead	1 (not Al's lyrics)

Bad Hair Day

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Everything You Know Is Wrong"	I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin when I got a nasty papercut and, well, to make a long story short it got infected and I died	1
"I Remember Larry"	Say, do you remember when I broke in Larry's house Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest And stuffed him in a big plastic bag If the cops ever find him, who knows what they'd say But I'm sure if ol' Lar' were still with us today He would have to agree with me it was a pretty good gag	1
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	Well, the workshop is gone now he decided to bomb it	Unknown
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet	2 reindeer
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage	1 reindeer
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger	2 reindeer
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger	1 reindeer
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen	1 reindeer
"The Night Santa Went Crazy"	And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin' And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?	Unknown
"The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory Version)" [Actually an extra track on a single, not the album.]	Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead Some guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head	1

Running with Scissors

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"The Saga Begins"	And in the end some Gungans died Some ships blew up and some pilots fried A lot of folks were croakin'	Unknown (not Al's story)
"The Saga Begins"	And the Jedi I admire most Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast	1 (not Al's story)
"Albuquerque"	And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me	Scores

Poodle Hat

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Why Does This Always Happen to Me?"	I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About some devastating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive	Over 60,000
"Why Does This Always Happen to Me?"	There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead	A dozen or more
"Why Does This Always Happen to Me?"	Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking So I turned around and stabbed him in the face	Possibly 1
"Ode to a Superhero"	It's a pretty sad day at the funeral Norman Osborn has bitten the dust	1 (not Al's story)

Straight Outta Lynnwood

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Canadian Idiot"	It's gotta mean they're all up to something So quick, before they see it coming Time for a pre-emptive strike	32 million requested, but not necessarily carried out
"I'll Sue Ya"	I sued Panasonic . . . they never said I shouldn't use their microwave to dry off my cat	1 cat
"Weasel Stomping Day"	[Sound effects]	9 weasels
"Confessions Part III"	I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one	1 goldfish

Alpocalypse

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"CNR"	He could rip out your beatin' heart And show it to you right before you died	0 (hypothetical)
"CNR"	He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes	0 (hypothetical)
"Party in the CIA"	I've done a couple of crazy things that have almost got me dismissed Like terminate some head of state that wasn't even on my list	1
"Party in the CIA"	No hurry on that South American dictator I'll assassinate him later That's when he walked in my laser sights And my silencer was on And my silencer was on And another target's gone	1
"Party in the CIA"	Better put your hands up and get in the van Or else you'll get blown away	0 (just a threat)

Mandatory Fun

Song	Lyric	Death Toll
"Sports Song"	We're gonna grind up your guys into burger meat Again, of course, we're speaking in the figurative sense	0 (Figurative. Weren't you paying attention?)
"With My Own Eyes"	I saw a mime get packed to death With an imaginary cleaver	1 mime
"With My Own Eyes"	I saw an old man's final breath I watched him die from Bieber Fever	1
"With My Own Eyes"	My guinea pig committed hara-kiri	1 guinea pig
"Tacky"	I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased	0 (hypothetical)
"Tacky"	If I'm bit by a zombie, probably not telling you	0 (hypothetical)
"Jackson Park Express"	I would make any sacrifice for your love Goat, chicken -- whatever	0 (hypothetical)
"Jackson Park Express"	Oh ho, I'd like to rip you wide open... aw And French kiss every single one of your internal organs Aw! I'd like to remove all your skin And wear your skin over my own skin But not in a creepy way"	0 (desire, not action)

Conclusion

So as you can see, Al started out pretty tame with one death of natural causes. He then ramped up to destroying two cities on his third album (Dare to Be Stupid) and peaked in violence with his fourth (Polka Party) when he blew up the world not once, but twice! After that the body count dropped dramatically, including no deaths on album six (UHF). He hit another, smaller peak with over 60,000 deaths on his 11th album in 2003 (Poodle Hat), but he cut back down on deaths on his subsequent albums.

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