The Great Weird Al Word Count

But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to die for - he really knows his shtick
He's there all day, he's there all day
Just say "Vay iz mir!" and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip
He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says "Shalom"
Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And he's like "Tough"
And he's like "Make me"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bit in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming

May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
And he can use the Force, they say
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I knew he built C-3PO [See-Threepio, C-three-P-O]
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Could he bring balance to the Force?
He was singin'...
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal
So he packed up his accordion and had to move
To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree
And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory
And he played on the company bowling team
And every single night he had a strange recurring dream
Where he was wearing lederhose in a vat of sour cream
Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist
But he didn't keep in touch
And he lost her number
Then he got himself a job on a tator tot farm
And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave
And he really makes a might fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich
When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man
He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free
And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be
And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV
So he gives Al a contract and whaddya know
Now he's got his very own Weird Al show

She says the way he grinds his molars is really sexy
She thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and "Generation X"y
Yeah, he's her very favorite slacker multi-millionaire
Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim
Like he's some big tortured genious and I'm some kinda wiener
Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better

When he found out that his wife had a sex change
He's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
Three days wince he interviewed